Cup of Inspiration

Today, January 5^th, is National Dialogue Day. Today is the day to strike up a conversation with someone you may have seen across the room, but never spoken more than just “Good morning.” Today is the day to chat with a coworker that holds different political beliefs than yourself. Strike up a conversation with a neighbor from a different country. Enjoy a little small talk with the customer service representative who may be at a different income level than you. Basically, reach beyond your comfort zone and talk.

In today’s world, we see many people shouting. People shouting louder and louder to be heard above all the noise. It feels like no one listens to each other; they just shout at each other. The louder people shout, the louder they try to make their point, the less everyone listens to others. People may then learn to just tune others out in any discussion. It can be too easy to lose empathy, which helps further erode any hope of a peaceful conversation.

Instead of interacting with someone with the express purpose of making them see things your way, approach that next conversation as a listener. Listen to someone who holds a different political view. Listen to that neighbor from a different country. Listen to the struggles of the workers making a minimum wage level. Do not just listen enough so you can get a rebuttal argument into the mix. Truly listen.

This does not mean you have to agree with the other party. Listening does not mean you condone, does not mean you agree, does not mean you have changed your mind, necessarily. Listening means you respect the other person as a human being who may very well have some of the same struggles as yourself. That person also has fears, obstacles in life, and is just trying to make it to another day. Listen to what they have to say. You may find that person shares the same tastes in food as you. Perhaps you both shared some of the same struggles growing up. Maybe you both are equally frustrated with trivial things, such as the daily commute to the office, or even something as simple as why a TV show went off the air. You would be amazed at what you can find in common with someone if you just listen.

As a discussion heads in the direction of differences, remember that you cannot expect the other person to listen to you if you are not willing to listen to them. Yelling “You’re wrong!” is not dialogue. By first listening, then calmly sharing why you feel differently, is how a dialogue should go. Both sides should be prepared to listen and embrace empathy. Empathy does not mean you are conceding that you are wrong, the other party is right. Empathy means you concede that the other person has feelings, and despite the differences, they have their reasons for their feelings. Dialogue then allows each person to give their reasons for their beliefs.

Even if two people in a discussion do not walk away feeling differently about their viewpoints, they hopefully will appreciate that others have their reasons for certain beliefs. They recognize that a calm discussion is how minds can be changed, or at least understanding why someone would share a different view. A calm discussion will show each party that the “other side” is made up of people with feelings.

Speak with others, do not just speak at others.