Cup of Inspiration

Today here in the United States is Forgiveness Day (Global Forgiveness Day is July 7^th.) We consider the impact of forgiveness and identify its primary beneficiaries.

“I’ll never forgive you for this!” How often have you ever uttered these words when confronting someone who has caused you harm? You’re angry and hurt. You know you are well within your rights to never forgive this person for such egregious harm. You might even feel better for a moment. But now what?

When you are wronged, you have pain. You trusted someone to complete something, but they dropped the ball. You confided something very personal to someone you thought was a friend, and they betrayed you by spreading it to others. Someone stole from you or hurt someone close to you. There are many situations which can bring you to the point of telling someone you will never forgive them. You feel justified in that statement, and others aware of the situation might agree.

We tend to believe that if we forgive someone, we’re telling them essentially that what they did doesn’t matter. That it was okay to hurt us. It is not a problem at all to inflict such harm on another.

We couldn’t be more wrong.

Forgiveness is not telling someone else it was okay to inflict pain. Forgiveness is the declaration that you will not allow the pain to take over your life. When you forgive someone else, you decide that you will not let the pain overwhelm you. Rather than harboring ill will toward another, you are going to instead use that energy toward other efforts that will benefit you.

It could be argued that forgiving someone is a small selfish act on your part, and that’s okay. You should be selfish. You were the one who was wronged, so why not look out for yourself?

The truth is that forgiveness is taking the weight off your shoulders. Harboring ill will takes up energy. It zaps your thoughts. It robs you of enjoying life. The act of forgiveness is taking back some control, heading toward the path of healing.

Forgiveness also doesn’t mean the person who wronged you shouldn’t face consequences for their actions. If they committed a crime against you, they should serve whatever sentence is dictated by the courts. If the person’s actions went against a policy at work, they should face the consequences set by that company’s policy. If that break of trust means you set rules to protect yourself, such as limiting contact with that person, so be it. Forgiveness does not eliminate the person who wronged you from suffering the consequences.

We have all been wronged. We have all wronged others. Sometimes it was intentional, other times it wasn’t. This is part of life.

No amount of caution will prevent us from being wronged by others at some point. What we can control is how we react. Forgiveness is taking control.

As a Christian, we read in the Holy Bible about the importance of forgiveness. We might at first read the Bible and wonder why God wants us to forgive others so much. What we can end up missing is that God is giving us a tremendous gift. The power of forgiveness is a step toward healing.